Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
