I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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