Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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