none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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