Tell her she can't have a vagina
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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