im six kinds of drunk right now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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