Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
