your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
