i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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