a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
