He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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