I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
