Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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