Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
