he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize