no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
