maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
