U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
birth control should be required to get into college
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
