I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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