I cannot find my penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she peed on how many people?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
