The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
