ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
