There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize