Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize