life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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