We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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