i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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