i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
