sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
