don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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