there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
