Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize