I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
