my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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