i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
