I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
