Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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