I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
