Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
