All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
