eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
