There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
