everyone is single if you try hard enough
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
