It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
