They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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