this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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