she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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