I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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