The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize