Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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