he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
