Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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