The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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