Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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