i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
