I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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