THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
