I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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