That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
