Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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