Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
