so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
