his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
