I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
