He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
